Pamela99 profile image

Lisa Scott's -Identify the Narcissist Male

Lisa E. Scott

Narcissistic Personality

Narcissistic Personality Disorder seems to be increasing in our society today. Certainly many male characters on TV shows exhibit these symptoms. However, it is not exclusive to men. It seems to affect men more (estimated at 50-75%) but statistics vary. For the purpose of this article we will review Lisa Scott's book, “It’s all about Him: How to Identify an Avoid the Narcissist Male.”

According to the American Psychological Association narcissist people have the following traits:

  • a lack of feeling, empathy, or concern for others
  • a willingness to take advantage of others
  • excessive feelings of self-importance
  • exaggerated personal achievements and abilities
  • an expectation to be seen as superior without cause
  • a fantasy or is preoccupation with power, wealth, beauty, personal abilities, or success
  • a demand for favorable treatment without appropriate reasons
  • an insistence on being the object of admiration and attention

Narcissistic personality disorder produces feeling of exaggerated self-worth and personal importance. To this person the people and the world in general exist to verify their own superiority. It affects between 0.7 and 1% of the general population which isn’t too bad statistically unless you are married to one or have one as a boyfriend. It certainly negatively affects families and life patterns. The cause of this disorder is unknown and tends to develop in early adulthood. Self confidence and narcissism are two different things.

Personality Traits

Scientific Evidens and Traits to Watch For

Mayo Clinic has a list of risk factors that might foster this personality:

  • Parental disdain for fears and needs expressed during childhood
  • Lack of affection and praise during childhood
  • Neglect and emotional abuse in childhood
  • Unpredictable or unreliable care giving from parents
  • Learning manipulative behaviors from parents

Lisa Scott is described as a “quintessential Midwestern American girl next door” from Chicago. She received her Bachelor of Science degree in communication from Ohio University and her Master of Science in Human Resources from Loyola University In Chicago. “Lisa‘s first hand experience falling for not one, but two pathological narcissists is what led her to write ‘It’s All About Him . ‘ This is her first work of a personal nature. It aims to connect with readers in a way that helps them understand the narcissists in their lives.” Her goal is to increase give support and understanding about coping with this type of relationship

In Lisa Scott’s book she asks, “Ever wonder why your guy can’t seem to understand you? Does he just seem incapable of empathizing with you?” She further stated that these guys are narcissists and it has nothing to do with you, because it is all about him.

She combines current scientific research examining the traits of pathological narcissism. She uses clear examples from her own experience which have helped her understand why she falls for these guys. She examines “Why he does what he does.” She also talks about moving on with your life after you’ve been hurt, and how to prevent the heartache that comes from falling in love with a narcissist before you or someone you care about gets hurt.

Lisa Scott says there are seven characteristics that she uses to spot a narcissist:

  • Is controlling and manipulative
  • Is obsessed with his physical image
  • Avoids intimacy and sex
  • Can’t describe love
  • Finds no joy in giving
  • Acts as if you do not exist
  • Escapes or disappears

A narcissist will make leaving the relationship difficult, and they are very good at convincing you to make you think you’re the crazy one. The problem increases as you start to believe his lies. Once you’re free and starting a new relationship, lay some ground rules from the beginning. We all need boundaries where we are respected and feel valued in a personal relationship. If you recognize the above characteristics in a man or woman, its time to re-evaluate the relationship and probably break it off.



 Last updated on December 4, 2012

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Comments 40 comments

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 4 years ago from Moundsville, WV Level 2 Commenter

Pamela,

These symptoms pretty well describe a certain political leader. We all know who,

vrajavala profile image

vrajavala 4 years ago from Port St. Lucie

right Tom. A certain group of us had identified "the One" before the election, but it was screaming in the desert. The causative factor, of course, was being abandoned by both parents.

DiamondRN profile image

DiamondRN 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC USA

You have also described a "Liberal or Left-winger." Conservative men have learned to -- or have been taught to -- respect God, country, others earned achievements and the fairer sex.

Partisan Patriot 4 years ago

pamela

Does this mean Obama will campaign in 2012 saying we are crazy if we vote him out!

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago Level 7 Commenter

Terrific public service hub. If you meet one of these guys run! IF ONE OF THEM IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT DON'T PULL THE LEVER!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Thank all of your for your comment. I do think we have a political leader that seems to have some of these particular characteristics. Patriot you may be on to something.

Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 4 years ago from London, UK

Well, that is an eye-opener for me. It describes my ex to last bit. I could tick every one of the points. The question is, not for me, but how to get them out of it. Most it is impossible. Thank you for a very interesting hub.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Hello, It sounds like its good he is your X. Thanks for your comments.

"Quill" 4 years ago

Morning Pamela...As i read the Hub and the comments I think we can all relate in one way or another to the pints...we are all guilty of each in one form or another.

I guess I would need to take it back to Scripture and say "Love your neighbour as yourself"...just how much do we love self...?

Blessings

sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 4 years ago

These men know exactly what they are doing. They hide their true selves until after the wedding.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Quill and Sheila, Thanks so much for your comments.

SheriSapp profile image

SheriSapp 4 years ago from West Virginia

Great hub. I think it explains pretty clearly just what it is that is wrong with Mr. Barry. Let's further castrate him at the November election!!!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Sheri, When I wrote this hub I had that in the back of my mind and knew many would make that comparison. Thanks for your comment.

Sage Williams profile image

Sage Williams 4 years ago

Pamela, An awesome job, you beat me to the punch. I have been dealing with narcissists all my life. It was just this past year that I finally was able to put a name to this disorder and have it confirmed that this was in fact what I was dealing with.

Great job once again.

Sage

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Sage, Thanks for your comment.

JannyC profile image

JannyC 4 years ago

Great hub!Something we all should be aware of.

Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 4 years ago

Such a sad disorder. Not really much of a chance for rehabilitation in the Narcissist's world. Much like those with other personality disorders. Like not seeing the proverbial nose on your face.

Great article.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Janny and Tammy, Thank you for your comments. I agree that it would take something major for a person to recognithis problem and would counceling help? I don't know.

Support Med. profile image

Support Med. 4 years ago from Michigan

Very enlightening hub. I actually knew someone like this once. Didn't know the name for it, just knew that it was all about her. In the video the NPA Theory, I noted a lot of the traits that she had. She definitely felt that she was better than everyone else, had the smile, seemed to be a pretty nice person, then suddenly you could see something else brewing inside, she thought she knew it all, always felt she had knowledge about everything. She could not even sit at the dinner table with her family and her mate (the father of her children) because it was his time to connect with his children to find out how their day went and if it was anything they needed to talk about. She would actually knock on my door with her plate in hand and say she did not want to sit with them because she did not want to talk about her kids, she wanted to talk about herself. It's been nearly 12 years since I have seen her, glad to be away from her and that she does not know where I live. If I ever see her in the future and she tries to talk to me, I will tell her that she must be confusing me with someone else, you got the wrong person because as the guitarist in the video said,'if you go down that well, the narcissist will make your life hell.' She was seeing a psychiatrist and said that her psychiatrist told her she acted that way because she really did not feel good about being herself and she had to make others feel bad in order for her to feel good about herself. It is really a long story, but I can say this, a narcissist can get their 'help' from someone else because with God's help, I will not ever be associated with one again.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Support Med, That does show it happens to women too. I knew a man like that and you just want to get away from them as soon as possible Hopefully that woman won't every try to look you up!

Roberta99 profile image

Roberta99 4 years ago

Very interesting hub. We have a big one in a beautiful White House we must get rid of.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Thank your for your comment Roberta.

rkhyclak profile image

rkhyclak 4 years ago from Ohio

Well I certainly agree about the one in the beautiful big, White House :) And I believe this book should be slipped into the mailbox of a certain doctor...and I'm sure many others as well!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

rkhyclak, Yes the doctor sounds like he is in that class. So miserable for those around him. Thanks for the comment.

ehern33 profile image

ehern33 4 years ago

I was really not aware of this, I thought maybe it was just arrogance. That tells you how much I know! Thanks for bringing attention out on this sad affliction.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Ehern,Thank you for your comment.

Robert 4 years ago

As an Ausralian male reading these comments I am amazed at the way some people use this forum to air political bias. This is a medical condition not a party platform. As for viewing the current US President as a possible narcissist becuase of his Medicare reforms...are those people using his empathy and social concscience as signs of narcissism???Get real. Perhaps the laisez-faire attitude these people have towards the welfare of society as a whole can be viewed as lacking responsibilty and selfishness.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Hub Author

Robert, As you don't live here you probably don't know all the details. Everyone was for heath care reform but are against some of the things included in this particular bill. For instance, this bill takes over all scholarship loans for college students which has nothing to do with health care and means the government will take control; many smaller banks will be put out of business and they will have to hire many more government workers growing our government even larger. We also don't like young people being forced to buy this insurance that they may not want or they have to pay large fines. The president promised a transparent agenda and it has been anything but transparent. There are many people venting their frustration over numerous things that have transpired beside the health care reform.

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 3 years ago from North Carolina Level 4 Commenter

Pamela-I voted the hub up for the literary content. It was short and to the point; explained very well. I truly benefited from reading this, as I am in a personal quandry right now. I've suspected this in my relationship for awhile now and it was so beautifully laid before me. Crazy, Yes! I feel like I am the one going crazy...

So, I'm interested in getting her book. Thanks so much...I feel as if a breath of fresh air has just passed through.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Hub Author

Denise, I hope the book will help you sort through your priorities but we usually know somewhere inside when things are not what they seem. I imagine soon decide how to handle your situation. Thanks for your comments and good luck.

tsmog profile image

tsmog 3 years ago from Escondido, CA Level 4 Commenter

great hub on narcissism being a male I wonder of self now, yet I am thinking of some of my female friends too. Alas, we compare I wonder what defense mechanism that is. Well, now I wonder if therapy helps. I think reading somewhere most great business leaders or leaders in general have narcissistic traits. Does this mean it may be a necessary evil or is it a result of socialization like the author states within the family / extended family structure. WOW! you have my mind reeling now. Repeating myself Great hub and thank you , , ,

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Hub Author

tsmog,

tsmog, I wouldn't be surprised if many great business leaders didn't have some of these traits. I'm not sure about therapy as they would have to see they have a problem before they would seek help. It is a thought provoking problem. Thanks for your comments.

Mary Stuart profile image

Mary Stuart 3 years ago from Washington

This is a great HUB. Thank you for writing it. I was married to a narcissist for a full 20 years. It is was one rough experience. I have been out of his grip for 8 blessed years now. I have largely gone on with my life and am very, very happy. I do, however, have a hard time dating. My eyes are so wide open that I tend to jump on any behavior as being symptomatic of narcissism or a red flag for domestic abuse. I do hope that calms down someday; not everyone is a sociopath. I have written a few HUBs on this very subject. You can read them at: marystuart.hubpages.com

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Hub Author

Mary Stuart, I can understand being gun shy for new relationships if they exhibit any such tendencies. Thanks for your comments. I will check out your hubs as soon as I can.

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 3 years ago Level 2 Commenter

Very nicely written Pamela. I was talking about this particular subject with someone else the other day. She said she was considering writing about it. You wrote this time ago, but I'm going to pass it on to her. Thank you for sharing. :) I posted it on Facebook for her to get. :)

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Hub Author

Ray, I did write this a long time ago and someone else wrote a hub recently about this topic but I honestly can't remember who, but I think it was a newcomer. Anway, thanks for posting it and maybe your friend will write with some new perspectives. I appreciate the comments.

sapphire99336 profile image

sapphire99336 2 years ago from Kennewick, WA

Mitt Romney is way more narcissistic than Obama could ever be. I liked this hub until I read all the political comments.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States Hub Author

sapphire, I'm glad you liked the hub as it was intended to educate people about the characteristic. Each has a right to their opinion. Thanks for the comments.

Grace 19 months ago

Funny to read this now and see the political agenda. Obama is the best president we've had in decades and he win. As for narcisist being only 1% of the population, that's a very small number. However, I wish we could see it during the first 2 or 3 dates so we could run far away...

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 19 months ago from United States Hub Author

Grace, I think it would be great to recognize the signs immediately also, so you didn't get into a relationship with someone like that. Thanks for your comments.

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