Bullying - What You Can Do as a Parent
71Bullying in School
Bullying is a major problem that is growing rapidly in our school system. Many mornings on the local news they show a short video taken by someone’s cell phone of a child being bullied, usually a boy. I saw one last week where a small boy was bouncing around like a boxer and slapping this big boy repeatedly in the face. After several slaps the big boy just picked the small boy up and slam dunked him, which only gave the small boy a scratched knee. The school suspended both boys four days. I felt this was unfair for the big boy as how many times does he have to turn the other cheek? I understand the no violence rules, but there should be some different standard when they have proof as to what occurred
Bully Panel Discussion
Personal Experience
When I was in middle school, I don't remember much bullying except for one occasion where I was looking out the window between classes. I saw several boys grab a boy and take his pants off while laughing at him. I felt so sorry for that boy. I didn't know him well but I could see how humiliated he was. I have no idea if there were any repercussions from this event, but I never saw any other bullying. I was standing with a small group of children and we weren't laughing at all about what we were witnessing.
Bullying statistics and parenting points
Cyber Bullying
Cyber bullying is increasing quickly and it includes bullying through email, instant messaging, chat room exchanges, web site postings, digital messages or images sent to a cell phone.
I believe cyber bullying can often do more damage than bullying at school because you don't always know where the threat is coming from; there's no person to avoid; and I think children might be reluctant to tell their parents or the school since they don't know who the cyber bully is and they are not sure how their parent will react. As a parent, I would probably be inclined to take the cell phone away or at least change the phone number, and I might also not allow my child to be on the computer, which would be upsetting to them. I think this is very difficult problem.
There is a Bullying Prevention Program called Olweus which has written a book called "Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do." A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she had difficulty defending himself or herself.
This definition includes three important components:
- Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.
- Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time.
- Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.
Using the Olweus criteria students are asked if they had been bullied any of the following ways:
- Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names
- Bullying in school exclusion or isolation.
- Physical bullying getting, kicking, shopping and spitting.
- Bullying through lies and false rumor's.
- Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully.
- Racial bullying.
- Sexual bullying.
- Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet).*
A Conversation with Dr. Dan Olweus About the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
Bullying
Make a Plan
Make a plan with your child is to how to deal with a bully if your child is willing. First you want your child to be able to stand up for themselves to the best of their ability, which means standing up straight literally, then saying what he or she doesn’t like about what the bully is doing, and what they want them to do differently. This gives the bully a chance to stop on his or her own. If they don’t, then you have to take things a step further.
Inform your child's teacher and principal about the incidences. Be sure to document every conversation and incident. Hand deliver and mail to the principal the Bullying Prevention Bill Of Rights For Parents and Students. If the bullying is severe or the situation is not resolved by the school, hand deliver and mail by certified mail, a Notice of Harassment form to the parents of the bully in the school and to the principal. At least this notice will let the school, the bully, and his parents be aware that this could become a legal matter, and that all incidences in the future will be documented and reported, which could deter the bully. You can also write to the school board members, as well as, school superintendent after each incident of harassment.
Possible Signs of a Child Being Bullied
Problems you might notice if your child is being bullied:
- Your child has a big personality change.
- Your child seems unhappy quite often and this is a big change.
- The quality of a child's schoolwork deteriorates.
- Child no longer wants to go places with his friends
- If your child has an appetite change, either eating much more or much less.
- Your child complains of headaches or other ailments and doesn't want to go to school.
- Your child no longer sleeps well at night
- Certainly if your child talks about life not being worth living or about suicide, this is a huge red flag for some type of emotional problem.
These signs are just a few of the top of my head and I'm sure there are many more. We know our children well, and it is important to pay attention to details in their lives. Always take the time to listen attentively, as they may want to tell you what's going on but maybe they are embarrassed, and not sure how you will respond.
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Sign for School
In Conclusion
The effects of bullying can be very devastating to physical and mental health, including the observers. In 2009, study one third of teens reported being bullied while at school. In this particular study, females and white students reported the most incidents of being victims. Violent crimes were more likely to occur among middle school students or older teens. Also, rates of sexual harassment and racial or ethical tensions were somewhat higher in middle school.
The 2009 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey found about one in five teens had been bullied at school in the last year. Between 15 and 25% of students overall are frequent victims of bullying, and 15 to 20% of students bully others.
Bullying in schools is such a major problem and it certainly interferes with the quality of education to say the least. I think children who are repeat offender bullies need to be put in a special school or classroom for difficult children, or be home schooled by their parents. I know these children probably need therapy, and I sure don’t have many answers to this growing problem. However, a child who is going to school, behaving and wants to learn should not be subjected to torment from a bully.
The copyright to this article is owned by Pamela Oglesby. Permission to republish this article in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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Darski, Private schools with smaller class sizes are one solution. Thanks so much for your comments. Glad you stopped by. Peace and Love to you.
I think the bullys should be arrested if possible.
Thanks for sharing your hub.
Thanks, it's really useful hub and deserves a hop up
Thank you for writing this very useful hub, I work in a primary school and I can see the children who bully just for the enjoyment of feeling bigger than the victim, and how often the victim can get into trouble for standing up for themselves. I will very often advise teachers that yes, little Tommy did punch whoever, but that I feel that there may be a bullying issue that needs to be looked into. So many children are made totally miserable by this problem.
electricsky, I appreciate your opinion and that is probably true in the worse cases. Thanks for your comment.
kafsia, Thank you for your comment.
Steph Harris, You really see this problem first hand. I appreciate your comments.
Pamela, wonderful thorough article about bullying. We see it everyday in the school system. For some reason the child doing the bullying either doesn't understand or doesn't care that they are a bully. Many times we hear "I'm just playying with him/her." It shas become an epidemic. I certainly don't remember it being like this when I was in school. Rated up and useful.
KKGals, It seems children just don't have any compassion for another child, especially if they are different in some way. I don't understand this level of cruelty that we have now. Thanks so much for your comments.
Hello Pamela99,
I personally have a child who got into a little trouble by defending himself from the actions of a bully. It frustrated me to find that my child was being written up for fighting.
I know he would not instigate such actions but when he explained that he tried avoiding it, and it was only when he actually had no choice but to grab hold of the bully, both children were written up and and police reports made on the two of them as per state law, I felt helpless for him. I really appreciate this information. Great guidance as to a route to take. Great Hub!
My father taught me that if ever I was to be bullied in school that I should fight back with every thing I had, even if I got the crap beat out of me. Well it worked for me, you see the one who is doing the bullying is only going to bully the easier target, even if I got beat up, I would make that bully sweat and work pretty darn hard to bully me around.
Pretty sure this is probably not the best way to deal with bullies,especially now a days, this is only how it worked for me growing up.
Such an amazing and very informative article! Sometimes a bully situation is looked over - and eventually gets way to out of line. This issue should be addressed to each one of your children! A+
pamela..this is a very informative article. I have two young children and what I have learned from various events in school is that a lot of the kids that "abuse" never have their parents around in their lives to teach them "right from wrong." They were abandoned emotionally a long time ago. I found that even after I approached the principal of the school and the teachers, it never got better. The abusive "bullies" always did their nastiest work out on the yard. A lot of parents do not want to deal with the fact that their child is hurting others either. So approaching these kind of parents does not work either. The best thing we can do is teach our children to speak up when something happens. Sometimes I have even had to drop subtle hints on the yard to scare the child without approaching them. This has worked before. I would just say really loudly to another parent. "I think I need to go to the principal to get them to stop." Usually the guilty child would get scared enough to stop. Not sure it would work with older kids? I think the main thing is to NEVER let ANYTHING go on too long. Best, G
Given the prevalence of bullying and now, cyber bullying, this topic is very informative and timely. I think school should take bullying very seriously and punished only the guilty party. Sometimes, like the story you shared, the innocent get punished together with the guilty and that's not very good at all. Rated up.
Hi Pamela,
Thank you so much for this very important hub. There is nothing worse than to being bullied. My second daughter went through this and the Headmaster didn't seem that bothered about this until I took it further and then he had to.
My daughter changed to another school, not that I advise running away from the problem. We came to this solution because of many different factors and she felt she would be better off changing schools.
She had no bother at all after this and was popular with friends and teachers. As she had been before this incident.
I am sure Pamela that many parents will find your hub very useful.
Take care
Eiddwen.
TinaTango, I agree that things can get out of hand and very quickly sometimes. Thanks for your comment.
GPAGE, I think you hit the nail on the head as to why some children are bullies. Poor parenting and absentee parents are a huge problem. Thanks so much for your suggestions and comments.
Anginwu, I agree with you completely. Thanks so much for your comments.
Eiddwen, I think changing schools is one good solution in some situations. I am so glad things worked out well for your daughter. I appreciate your comments.
Great hub concerning bullying. No if people only take this to heart, it will be great! I like this hub.
Very timely topic on bullying, Pamela. It seems that almost every time I pick up the newspaper or watch TV news, I learn about another episode of bullying at a local school. Bullies have always been present in our society but now it appears that their actions have become epidemic.
BobbiRant, I hope this hub will get the attention of anyone that might not have been aware that bullying is a serious problem. I appreciate your comments.
drbj, I wrote this hub because it seemed like I couldn't watch the news or pick up a paper without some bullying event being recounted. It certainly seems like it's a much greater problem these days. Thanks so much for your comments.
Gosh bullying can cause so much stress, especially for a child. This is such a complex and worrying topic to discuss and you have done it full justice. Great hub Pamela, thank you.
A lot of good information here. It appears bullying is on the rise, esp. if the child is obese or a little slower.What a shame. Thank you for sharing.
Good points to make, Pamela although even as careful you are as a parent on the lookout for telltale signs, sometimes things slip by....in our case, our legally blind Pat was beaten up by 6 guys that were on a bullying mission in junior high. That was really a wake up call and I'm sure we all learned immensely from it though I think in a lot of ways, it had a lasting effect on our son. The best thing is intervention BEFORE things like that happen that's for sure so voted up for important info!
Bullying in the school system is terrible. It is my understanding that some states, in cooperation with police dept's, are now establishing units where law officers will monitor this type of behaviors.
What is even more unfortuate is the what is going on in the schools merely reflects what is going on outside of it.
Great hub Pam and certainly, thought provoking. Thanks!
Forever His
acaetnna, I appreciate your comments.
always exploring, Those are the children picked on most often. Thanks for your comment.
Audry, I am so sorry to hear of what happened to Pat. I think the bullies should be criminally charged. I appreciate you sharing your comments.
RevLady, I think you are exactly right about what happens in school is a reflection of what is happening on the outside. I appreciate your sharing the information. God Bless.
Howdy Pamela - This was all some years back, but my father was in charge of training us how to deal with bullies. He showed us how to start from close to ground level and provide an not-to-be forgotten hit onto the chin of the bully. As an example one time, he did that to a sizeable guy who threatened him. The man's feet actually left the sidewalk. When he awakened, he looked at my father, shook his head somewhat, and took off running down the street. Lesson learned. It was applied to a kid about twice my own size close to a year later. I had to jump up to hit him. Next day he was not in school, but he showed up the following day sporting two black eyes. When he approached my schooldesk, looking like some sort of racoon, I thought at first that he was going to reach down and hit me. Instead he held out his hand to "shake and be friends." Lesson really sunk in.
Gus :-)))
Great hub! Kids are hearing about this all the time, but it's never enough. It's pretty amazing how cruel kids can be to each other - now and when I was in school. I tell my kids to fight back and to find an adult.
Gus, It sounds like you had a good father and my husband has talked about his father teaching him how to defend himself. I think many children are afraid as they don't know how to defend themselves and the bullies since their fear. Thank you so much for your comments.
Bethany, I think that is a good thing to tell your children if they do get picked on. I know children can be cruel as they were when I was a child to and yet we didn't have the bullying problem but then I'm getting pretty old so life is changed. Think so much for your comment.
Bullying is so horrible and devasting. They don't realize the impact and would like it if it was the other way round.
Hello, I agree that bullying is horrible. I think they don't care for some reason and maybe it has to do with all the violence they see in video games and on TV but whatever the reason it's a serious problem. Thanks for your comments.
Great Hub - I am glad you included how parents can spot the signs of bullying. Some kids just keep it all in.
Best Wishes.
Lady E, I thought that was an important aspect also. I appreciate your comment.
You've done a great service to parents of school age children. Bullying is a growing problem. It always existed but somehow it is worse now. Parents and teachers have to be vigilant.Up and useful and awesome.
POP, I definitely think it is worse now and you are right about teachers and parents being more vigilant. I appreciate your comments,
Informative hub. I agree with the abovementioned commentators that bullying is far worse today than ever. Stricter laws have to be applied to remedy the situation.
gmwilliams, I agree. Thanks for the committee.
I co-wrote and produced an anti-bullying video for young kids with our Popcorn Park Puppets. In our story we focus on positive peer pressure to solve the problem when one of the kids starts bullying another. Teachers and parents have found it very useful. You may read about it and see the free discussion guides here: http://www.livewiremedia.com/GroarkLearnsaboutBull
Freddy, It sounds like you have done something positive to address this horrible problem. I will check our your link.
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Darlene Sabella 14 months ago
Great hub girlfriend, when I grow up it was so different, there was this weird kid and we just all kind of stayed away from him. Gosh, what can parent's do today, with my kinds I put them in small privat schools, Catholic school for a number of yours. That was the best thing for them. Rate up love & peace darski